Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that
I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my
file back again?'
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Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get
through; can you help?'
Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'
Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'
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Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?'
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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?'
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'
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Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
"Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the
"Any" key is.
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Caller called me up wanting to send something via email. She said
that no matter what she did--it wouldn't go through. After much
debating over the settings, I finally got around to asking her what
she was trying to send...turns out it was a BOX she wanted to email
to her daughter for her birthday!
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A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents.
He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find
printer". The user had also tried turning the computer screen to
face the printer - But that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
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A Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to Fax
anything. After 40 minutes of failed problem solving is was
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it
in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
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An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the
second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to
put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't
realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.
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An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was
plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she
pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on
this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to
be the computer's mouse.
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a
phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm
steaming up the window to write the number on.'
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SAMSUNG Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I
need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number
for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in
Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland .'
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"I downloaded Netscape and tried to install it. It said not to install
this version if I was running Win95. So I uninstalled 95..."
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A man purchased a laptop. He called about a week later and said
that it would no longer boot-up. The tech tried to troubleshoot with
him about what went wrong but he said it wouldn't even start. The
tech had him bring it in and couldn't get it to work either. The tech
was making preparations to remove the hard drive so he could put it
into a new laptop for the customer. When he turned it over, he saw
16 nicely drilled holes in the bottom of the case. He asked the
customer how this had happened and the customer said that it was
getting hot sitting on his lap all the time, so he drilled some air holes
in it. "Could that be the problem?" he asked.
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Caller: Hi, um, my printer smells funny and it's smoking.
Tech: Well, have you turned it off?
Caller: Well, no, I was told never to turn it off without running it
through shutdown and it won't go through shutdown.
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Caller: I think my computer doesn't know what it is doing.
Tech: (Pause) Why? What is the problem with the system?
Caller: Well, it keeps asking me "What is this?"
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Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
with photocopies of the floppies.
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Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
Warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How
did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to
mute the caller, because he was laughing too hard. The caller had
been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder.
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AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be
the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the
WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk
employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff
that your computer came in?'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'
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Tech calls with dumb customers
*********************************************
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, nothing happens, it must be really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note
Customer: No ... Wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on
my desk... Sorry .
*************************************************
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.
Customer: Is that your left or my left?
*************************************************
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and.....
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
Bill Gates !
*************************************************
Customer: I have problems printing in red ...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you
*************************************************
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
happening.
*************************************************
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... That one does
work!
*************************************************
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a Capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
*************************************************
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